My Sunshine
by SimplisticSuNor
Summary: Hi there! Just a little something I've been working on. It's mainly Sufin, DenNor and HongIce, with (maybeee) some hinted SuNor on the way ;) It's real cute sometimes and real sad sometimes so don't expect too much sunshine (even tho thats the title lol) and also, Im not a native english speaker, so dont hate on grammar or spelling please! Do (nicely) correct me if Im wrong though!
1. Perfection

_~Emil_

 _Song: Count on me..._ _watch?v=yJYXItns2ik_

I rolled the die to see where I would land. I got a three and a four, so I moved my piece seven spaces on the game board. I landed on the 'Go to Jail' space for the third time tonight. Tino laughed uncontrollably as I moved my piece to the proper position of the Monopoly game board. Mathias playfully nudged me and cackled with his rich, dorky laugh. Even my older brother, Lukas, giggled a bit, which was a rare sight. My boyfriend, Leon hugged me and chuckled at my failures, while Lukas, being the over-protective big brother he is, stared daggers at him. Leon's first reaction was to stick his tongue out at him, which only agitated him more. He stared at Leon for almost a minute, until Mathias pulled him aside to calm him down. Mathias had been dating my brother for almost a full year, and I thought that they balanced each other out perfectly, like yin-yang, or something like that.

Berwald rolled the die and moved his piece. Of course, he got the best spot on the board. Berwald was particularly good at Monopoly, but not as good as he is at Jenga. Every time we all have game night, we have to hide Jenga from him, he will take a long time trying to get the 'perfect move', and he usually does, so he wins every time. The others and I can hardly handle the stress of playing with him.

Tino was next, he rolled a four and a five and ended up in jail with me. Berwald chuckled and Tino began to throw gameboard pieces at him. Berwald and Tino were engaged and were going to be wed next month. Since that incident made all of us lose our places, we decided the game was over and to move on to the next one. While everyone was trying to decide what game to play, Mathias pulled me aside into his room.

"Mathias, what are you-" He stopped me mid-sentence.

"Shhh! I don't want them to hear us!" he said, pulling two flower crowns, a red one and an electric blue one, and a small, black case out from one of his drawers.

"I'm thinking of proposing to Lukas tomorrow, I just wanted to make sure it was okay with you first, you are his brother after all." Mathias showed me the ring, it was really nice, and it must have cost him a fortune. He really wanted the best for all of us, though.

"Yes" I said "It's just fine with me" Mathias gave me a huge bear hug.

"Really? Thank you so much, Emil! You do think he'll say yes, right?" He looked at me for a while, his eyes sparkled with hope.

"How could he say no." I said, showing a small smile.

His already big eyes grew to the size of dinner plates, he skipped happily back into the living room.

After a few rounds of Just Dance, Tino, Berwald, and Leon went home. It was only nine o'clock, but we were all pretty tired, plus Mathias wanted to get lots of sleep for tomorrow.

Just as soon as I got nestled into bed, Lukas came in. He shut the door and turned out the lights. It was pitch black for a few moments. A dim light appeared around my brother's face. He was doing his magic, I hadn't seen him do it since I was little. He threw his arms up into the air and, soon, a starry night was on my ceiling. Ever since I was a child, I had been interested in space and the universe. When I got older, I wanted to go to school for astronomy.

"It's so...beautiful" I told him, awestruck.

"It is, isn't it?"

"You know, when I get out of school and head off to college, I want to study to become an astronomer, study stars and stuff"

"I will support you all of the way, as long as you name one of your big discoveries after me."

"I am not naming anything after you"

"Why not? Don't you love me, little brother?"

"Oh, God, no." He looked at me, shocked. "Oh, oh, Lukas, I- I didn't-"

"Heh, I see…" He looked so sad, so hurt.

"Lukas, I-"

"I-I think I should go to bed." With that, he lifted his hand up and took his stars back from the ceiling and left.

I hated seeing him upset like that, I had to make things right tomorrow. I just had to.


	2. The Nightmares

~ _Mathias_

 _Songs: 500 Miles..._ _watch?v=XZ4Ib-7fJqY_ _You make me smile..._ _watch?v=VkCLBj7nKPY_

There he was, the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, dancing gracefully across the room. Lukas was always such a good dancer, he was so elegant and graceful. I loved him more than anything else. He was wearing a flowing, white shirt and a casual pair of jeans.

I had always wished to be like him. Nobody found him annoying, like they did me. It seemed that everyone liked him, no matter how cold he was. Call me jealous, I am, but I love him with all my heart, and I always will.

Lukas took my arm, I danced with him. We were outside in our backyard, I recognized the lanterns and the treehouse Berwald built for Emil when he was much younger. Lukas and I were about to lean in and kiss, when the scene changed.

All I could see was white, it was silent until I heard Lukas and the others, screaming in pain. I had to get to them, but I couldn't run, my feet wouldn't move, they just wouldn't budge. Fire began to creep up the white, turning it to black. I heard them crying for me. Then, they stopped, and everything went black. I woke up, screaming and in a panic.

I got out of bed, I had to check on Lukas and Emil. I tip-toed down the hallway to Lukas' room, he was sound asleep, he forgot to put his pajamas on, he was still wearing the white dress shirt he was wearing earlier today. Before I left to check on Emil, I planted a small kiss on his forehead, and he smiled a bit. I felt so accomplished.

I peeked into Emil's room, he was sound asleep, as well. I remember when he was just a little kid, he really looked up to Lukas. It was really cute. I think that he will be a great brother-in-law.

As I was getting settled back into my bed, I heard the door open downstairs, it was probably my friend, Gilbert, after one of his pub crawls, that, or Ned was stoned again. I heard Emil getting out of bed, too. Neither Gilbert, nor Ned would ever hurt him, so I felt safe letting him go downstairs.

There was a lot of commotion downstairs, I have to admit, I began to worry.

I soon heard footsteps coming up the stairs. At first I thought it was just Emil, but then I realized there were three or four people, all of which sounded heavier than tiny Emil. I thought that I must had been hearing things, so I tried to not think much of it. I got back into my bed. Not long after I heard Lukas scream. I thought that he had just had a nightmare.

"Mathias!" I heard him scream from his room. I jumped out of bed and sprinted to his room. Four men were holding him, so he couldn't move. My knees buckled and I couldn't do anything but run out of the room. I had to get to Emil.


	3. The Flame

~ _Lukas_

 _Song: I See Fire…_

I was woken up when a man put his hand over my mouth, at first I thought it was Mathias, pranking me. I looked up to see Mr. Jensen, our very religious next door neighbour. I scanned the other figures in the room, I knew them all, I also knew that they all went to the same church. Mr. Frostad was clutching a crucifix.

I tried to scream, but my voice was lost in Mr. Jensen's hand, and since they were holding my arms and legs and covering my mouth, I did the only thing I could do. I bit Mr. Jensen and screamed for Mathias. Just seconds later, he came running into the room. At that instant, he froze, and then ran. I heard him screaming for Emil, but it sounded as if he couldn't find him.

The men began to drag me out of my room and down the hallway. I kicked and screamed, but it did no good. One slapped me as we were heading down the stairs. When we reached the bottom, I saw Emil on the floor, blood coming out of his head, with Mathias next to him, comforting him. I screamed for my little brother.

As the men dragged me out of the door, Emil jolted up and out the door and began attacking one of the men, Mathias did the same. Six more men went to stop them, two held Emil back, but they needed four men to hold Mathias back.

The four men stopped in front of an old tree in our yard, the one that Berwald had built Emil's treehouse in. They pushed me up against it. It took all of them to hold me in the position they wanted so two more men came and began tying me to the tree trunk. They then bound my wrists and ankles.

Three women showed up and began putting dry grass and hay at my feet. I knew exactly where this was going. I was about to be burnt at the stake for "worshiping satan", that's Christian for being gay and practicing witchcraft.

Mathias and Emil were trying to break free, but they kept getting held back by more men. They were yelling at the men, the women, and they were yelling for me. I struggled to break free, but I couldn't.

A man, who was taller than the rest walked through the middle of the crowd, and up to me. He examined me from head to toe. He ran his finger on my hair clip

"Hmm… A cross…" he began "How ironic" He then took the cross and threw to the ground at my feet. I would have punched him, but, since I couldn't, I spit in his eye instead. Which was a bad idea, because his recoil was to slap me in the face, punch me in the stomach, and stomp on my feet. I screamed in pain. "I can't wait to see you burn, queer witch." He whispered in my ear before backing away

He took out a book and began to read aloud from it, I realized who this man was now. He was the Minister at the church. He was a die-hard Christian, who despised people of other ethnicities, religions, sexualities, and hated witchcraft with a passion. He didn't even let his kids read the Harry Potter series. I looked around at my surroundings, Mathias and Emil were screaming and pleading my innocence, but they had no luck.

Two men began moving towards me with matches, as soon as the Minister gave the word, I would go up in smoke.

"No! Please, no! Not Lukas, no!" I heard Mathias scream. Tears were running down his face. Emil was crying, not hard, but he was crying. I screamed their names, when I realized that was useless, I just screamed. Maybe someone could hear me, maybe someone would care.

The matches were thrown down, and the dried plants began to burn. Smoke flew into my face, making it difficult to breathe. I coughed and wheezed, desperately trying to get a breath of fresh air. I couldn't see Mathias or Emil anymore, but I could still hear Mathias screaming my name. I was extremely light-headed, and the fire was almost to my feet.

"I'm sorry…" I whispered, this was the last thing I said before the sound was drowned out and everything turned white.


	4. Gone Too Soon

_~Emil_

 _Song: Gone too soon…_ _watch?v=Kg33Pg4Pmz0 &index=34&list=PL8F52B97EB773520B_

I could hear him gasping for breath. I couldn't see him because of all the smoke. I also couldn't move, I was too shocked to do anything, but stand there like an idiot. Mathias, although, was a bigger idiot. He was screaming Lukas' name, crying. He was still trying to break the hold of the men that held him back. When he wouldn't stop trying to break free, they began to punch him. After a few blows to the face, he fell to the ground, bleeding.

After a while, Lukas' screams stopped. I could no longer hear his desperate breaths, either. The cult that did this to our family let the fire burn for a while longer, before getting our garden hose to put out the fire. They all crowded around the tree, and after a while, the Minister stepped up.

"It has been done." He said, his followers cheered, and followed him out of our yard. The men holding Mathias and I threw us to the ground, and followed him. One of the men holding me back kicked me in the head before running off. I rushed to Mathias' side

"M-Mathias!" I said, looking at the pained expression on his face. There were tear and blood stains on his cheeks.

"Emil, I'm fine, just...help me up, please?" I did as I was told. As soon as he was on his feet, he began to hobble towards the tree where Lukas stood. There was nothing left, nothing but a golden cross hairclip that I found on the ground. I handed it to Mathias. He held it close to his heart, then fell to his knees and screamed in agony. Nothing pained me more than seeing big, strong Mathias hurt like this. It really made my spirits fall.

A white van soon pulled into our driveway. Tino and Berwald. They tried the front door, not knowing we were outside.

"Tino! Berwald! Over here…" They came running into the backyard.

"We came as soon as we could" Tino said "Berwald told me that there was a radical Christian group around that despised… well... people like us and witchcraft, so we came to warn you guys. Where's Lukas?" Mathias got up and handed Tino the hairclip and shook his head solemnly. Tino gasped.

"No… it's not true...it can't be…" He said. He buried his face in his hands and began to sob. Berwald hugged his counterpart, running his finger through Tino's hair.

" 'M sorry" Berwald said, placing a hand on my shoulder. I think he began to tear up.

Mathias dried the tears from his eyes, he definitely was the most distraught of the group.

"I think I'm going to clean myself up a bit…" He said, trying to smile a little, trying to hide his sadness, but he couldn't hide his emotions if his life were to depend on it.

I invited Berwald and Tino in for some tea or something. As I began to boil the water, I could hear police sirens in the distance. To be honest, I didn't care if they were to come here or not, there was nothing that they could do to bring Lukas back.

The room was completely silent, nobody said anything. There was, although, the occasional sniffle of one of us trying to hold back our tears.

I began to pour the tea, my usually steady arm shaking uncontrollably from the pain knowing Lukas died thinking that I hated him. This time, I couldn't make things right with him. I had been without him before, when he went on trips and stuff. This time, though, it was forever.

I fell to my knees, dropping the pot as I did so. My hands clamped over my eyes, and I had began to sob.

"Emil!" I heard Tino scream from the living room. He soon rushed into the kitchen, with Berwald right behind him. They wrapped their arms around me in a great, big hug. Tino was a very motherly person, and he genuinely cared about our well-being. Berwald, though he seems intimidating, is really quite sensitive, and feels the need to protect the ones he loves. I can only imagine how he felt when he realized he was too late to save Lukas. We were all on the kitchen floor, crying and holding each other.

After our episode in the kitchen, I went upstairs to check on Mathias. I hesitated before knocking on the door.

"Mathias…" I said "It's me, Emil...Please… Open up…" No answer. "Mathias...Please…" Still no answer. I decided to go in uninvited, I know that it's rude, but I need him, and he may need me.

When I walked into the room, I saw Mathias sitting on his bed, looking at an electric blue flower crown, a diamond ring, and Lukas' hair clip. There were obvious tears in his eyes.

"Hey…" I said, hugging him.

"Hey…"

"Uhh… Tino and Berwald are in the living room, if you want to talk to them."

"Ok, be down in a minute…"

"Alright…" As I turned to leave, he grabbed my wrist and turned me around

"Wait… I think you should have this… I mean, he was your brother after all." He placed the small, golden hair clip into my hand. I pocketed the small cross and mouthed the words 'thank you'. We hugged once more, and I headed to my room, for it was getting late.

As I walked into my bathroom to wash my face, I thought that I had saw Lukas staring back at me, but it was only my own reflection. I had never noticed our similarities before. Though our eye and hair colours differed greatly, our faces looked almost identical.

I took the hairclip out of my pocket and studied it for a moment. I brushed some of my hair to the right, then fastened it with Lukas' hairclip. All I could do was stare at my reflection.

"Lukas?" I heard a deep, monotone voice say from behind me. I turned around to see Berwald standing at the door. "Ah...'ts just you, Emil" My heart fell, did I really look that much like him?

"What do you want?" I asked him, half-heartedly.

"Tino and I are gonna head h'me soon, 'just wanted t' say goodnight"

"Alright, goodnight, then."

"Goodnight" He began to leave, then stopped in his tracks. "'m not sure if it makes ya feel any better, but ya look just like Lukas with yer hair like that." He smirked, and then left me standing in my room, awestruck.


	5. Your Guardian Angel

~ _Berwald_

 _Song: Your Guardian Angel..._ watch?v=BJbrc8nnQCo

I carried my sleeping fiance to the car, being careful not to wake him. Tino had fallen asleep on the white, tile floor of Emil and Mathias' kitchen. It's not like he tried to, though. He was almost asleep when I had first heard of the extremists. He had to drag himself out of bed to check on our already-dead friend and comfort our two, broken friends. We've had a long night. I was ready to go to sleep, as well.

When we got home, I carried Tino directly towards the bedroom. I placed him on one side of our bed, and crawled in on the other side, cuddling him. I closed my eyes, and tried to go to sleep. I laid for hours, and I still couldn't sleep. I kept thinking about Lukas, how I could have saved him, if only I was there sooner enough. I couldn't believe how I could let everyone down like that. It's my fault that he's not here anymore. It's my fault that he's gone.

It then occurred to me, that group is still out there. They could take another one of my friends. Who would they target next? What if it was little Emil? Or Mathias? What if they came after Tino and I? My entire body tensed up with worry. Images of the extremists ran through my mind. Images of them killing Tino. If they killed Tino I could never forgive myself. I couldn't let him leave my side, ever. I needed to protect him at all costs.

I snuck out of bed and downstairs, carefully trying to avoid the inevitable creeks as I stepped down each wooden stair. I heard Tino mumble in his sleep a few times, each noise he made shot a jolt of nerves through my entire body, causing me to freeze were I stood.

A sigh of relief escaped from my lungs as I reached the bottom of the staircase. I walked through the living room, and into the kitchen. My fingers felt around on the top of the fridge for quite some time before I found the little, silver key. Back in the living room, I approached a wooden door that I haven't touched for years. I fumbled the key in the lock, trying to unlock the door. The door swung open to reveal guns, axes, bows and arrows, swords, knives, you name it. All of it was Tino and mine's weaponry.

Tino and I have always found weapons interesting, so we began collecting. Although, I prefer antique weapons, like swords and old-fashioned bayonets. Whereas Tino prefers more modern warfare, such as sniper guns and machine guns. Though we had all of these weapons, we had vowed to never use them, unless it was an emergency, and I definitely thought this was an emergency.

I looked around for a while before I took a rifle, some throwing knives, and two hand guns with. I quickly gathered my weapons and sealed the closet shut, once again. I placed the rifle in the living room, near my chair by the fire place. I, then, slinked back up the wooden staircase to the upper floor of our house. From there, I ventured into the bathroom, placing some throwing knives under the sink, making sure they were easily accessible. Finally, I creeped back into Tino and mine's room, placing the, unloaded, hand guns under each of our pillows.

After that, I crawled back into bed. This time, I fell asleep right away, with my arms around Tino. Nobody would ever take him from me. No, not like how they took Lukas from us. They might have caught me off guard the last time, but this time, I'm ready for them.

I woke up in a cold sweat. I had an awful night terror. My arm reached over to the opposite side of the bed. Tino had always calmed me when I had a bad dream I was in a panic, looking all around the house for him. Then, it hit me like lightning. What if that horrendous group of radical believers returned? What if I slept through their entrance and exit? What if Tino's gone now, and I didn't even realize that he left? Why would they take him, and not me? If they had taken Tino I would never be able to live with myself. I fell to my knees in depression, my elbows dug into my knees as my hands supported the weight of my head.

A few minutes later, I heard the front door creek open. I composed myself. My eyes were still red and puffy from my crying session, but at least I was able to stand now. Since I was in the bedroom, I decided to grab one of the shotguns, just as a precaution.

I crept down the stairs, once again, being careful to not make any noise. I kept my finger on the trigger, ready for whoever, or whatever, I had to face.

When I got downstairs, I peered around the corner into the living room. What I saw was a small, hooded figure, a person, wearing a black hoodie and jeans, kneeling down next to the brown, wooden coffee table. I tip-toed across the room to the mysterious person, gun at hand. I firmly put my hand on the person's shoulder, they turned around. I pointed my gun at his head, his violet eyes filled with fear. Our little, white dog, Hanatamago, ran out from behind him.

"Berwald, what-" It was Tino. He pulled back the hood of his sweatshirt to reveal his silky, golden-blonde hair. I dropped the gun and pulled him into my arms, tears of ecstasy forming in my eyes.

"I was worried, 'thought somethin' bad might've happened."

"Ber...I'm fine, you're just paranoid."

"'M not" I lied through my teeth. I knew I was paranoid, I just couldn't come to terms with the fact that I was, in fact, nervous.

"Are too!" He said, standing on his tip-toes, as if he were a ballerina, in order to poke my nose. Holy shit, he is so freaking cute. Tino is too good for this world. No matter what it took, I needed to keep him from the horrors that are outside. I promised I would keep him safe, and I don't back down on my promises.

 **A/N~**

 **Hello, this is my first Authour's Note, so bear with me!**

 **I really am having fun writing this story, and I honestly thought no one was going to read it. So, thank you so much for even considering it. If you like it, great! If it's not really your thing, that's alright, I understand! If you have suggestions or commentary, I am always open for constructive critisism!**

 **Anyways, do you guys like the whole song-thing I'm doing? I don't know, but it seemed like a good idea when I started this, but now I'm not so sure...Tell me what you think!**

 **XOXO,  
** **SimplisticSuNor**

 **P.S. I love feedback! So please don't hesitate to review or PM me! I love it when people suggest things to me!**


	6. The Sendoff

_~Tino_

 _Song: The Hanging Tree…_

I hated seeing Berwald upset, even though this is actually the first time I have seen him legitimately upset. It was terrible seeing the strong, supportive man that I love is broken, shaken, and a nervous wreck. I held his waist tightly as he hugged me, refusing to let go. He needed someone, and that someone was going to be me.

After hugging for a while, we began to get ready for the funeral. I put on my dress clothes, a blazer, and a light blue tie. Berwald looked incredibly handsome. He was wearing a suit with a dark blue tie.

"Are you ready to go?" I asked him

"Mhm"

"Alright, lets get going, then." We headed to the car, as I put the key into the ignition, I felt a wave of sadness wash over me, which was appropriate, since we were heading to one of our best friend's funeral.

" 'ya sure 'ya want t' drive?" I must have been hesitant to start the car. I shook my head, declining his offer.

We stopped by the local flower shop on our way to Mathias and Emil's house. I opened the door, a bell jingled. A girl came running out from behind the counter to greet us. She was shorter than most girls I knew. Her short, wavy, dark blonde hair was tied back out of her doll-like face with a green scarf. She was dressed in a white T-shirt and bell bottoms. Over that, was the green apron that all employees of the shop were required to wear.

"Tino! Berwald!" She said, very excited.

"Hey, Laura…Is your brother here?" I asked

"Yeah!"

"Can you get him, please?"

"Sure thing! Feel free to look around!"

"Thanks…" I said, as she disappeared into the back room to search for Ned.

I looked around at the tulips and lillies all around his little shop. They were all so beautiful, I especially liked the white lillies. They seemed almost magical, they almost reminded me of Lukas.

A few minutes later, Ned came out from the back of the shop, streaking his gelled hair up even further. His dirty blonde spikes dwarfed even Mathias' golden locks, which was insane. His hazy, green eyes were fixed on us, making me uneasy. To be honest, I still couldn't believe that this tall, somewhat intimidating man owned a flower shop and had a little pet bunny.

"Good morning, Tino, Berwald, what brings you here today?" He said, staring us both down. I put my hand on Berwald's arm, letting him know that I would be handling the talking.

"Oh, hi, Ned. We just need some flowers for um… an event."

"Ah, I see, I think I can help. What kind of event?"

"Oh, uh, well… It's...well, it's a funeral." He became nervous.

"Oh dear… I'm sorry, don't mind me asking...but who?"

"Lukas. It was Lukas" His eyes widened in surprise. Laura must have overheard, because she clapped her hands over her mouth and gasped. She ran up to me and hugged me.

"I'm so, so sorry" She said, on the brink of tears.

"It's fine, it's not your fault" She let go of me and hugged Berwald, who just stood there, awkwardly.

"So…" Ned began "What happened?" I looked at Berwald for help, but he was glancing at me with the same, desperate look. I decided to tell them the story. Ned, being one of Mathias' best friend's, had the right to know what happened to the love of his buddy's life. Of course, I didn't get every detail, I wasn't there, but I told them everything I knew. I told them about the extremists, the fire, Mathias and Emil, everything that I could think of. After I finished the story, I was on the verge of crying, Berwald was uneasy, Laura was sniveling into her hands, and Ned looked about ready to sob his eyes out. It was oddly silent for a few moments, then, Ned put his large, callused hand on my shoulder.

"I'm- I'm so sorry…" He said "My condolences go to all four of you, make sure you tell Mathias and Emil that."

"I will…" Ned cleared his throat.

"So...about the flowers...is there anything special that you want?" I had to think a moment, I hadn't given much consideration as to what flowers to buy. After a moment of compiling ideas in my head, I had somewhat of an idea.

"His favourite colour was blue...can you work with that?"

"I'm way ahead of you. I'll be right back." Ned turned on his heal and disappeared into the back of the shop. Laura had stayed with us and tried to make small talk with us. We stayed silent, not being in the mood for conversation at the moment. Ned soon returned with a bunch of little, blue flowers.

"Here." he said "What about 'Forget Me Nots'? Ya' know, because we'll never forget him." I looked at the little flowers, and then at Berwald. He nodded in approval.

"They're perfect, Ned. Thank you. How much?" Ned was silent. He looked at the flowers, and then studied us for a bit. He then handed me the bouquet.

"For you two, on the house." He said "Tell Mathias I said 'hi'." I just stood there shocked.

"But- I can't-"

"Please, I insist. I would feel wrong charging you guys. Just take them." There was no point in arguing with him, he had made up his mind.

"Oh...well...Thank you, Ned. See you later!"

"See you later" He said, as we walked out the door.

We got back into my van and began to drive the rest of the way to Mathias and Emil's house. Berwald and I sat in silence the entire ride, not even turning on the radio. We had too much on our minds to talk.

Once we got their, we went to the backyard. Sitting by a burnt tree, was an empty casket surrounded by many bouquets of flowers. People gathered around the casket, I recognized a lot of faces. Of course, there was Mathias and Emil. Some of Mathias' friends were there. I saw his friends Gilbert, Ludwig, Alfred, Antonio, and Feliciano. My friend, Ivan, was also there, putting a bouquet of sunflowers near the casket. Leon was there, he was with a group of people who looked similar to him. His family, maybe?

Some of Lukas' friends were there, too. His friend, Arthur was standing with Alfred, crying into his jacket. Another friend of Lukas', by the name of Vladimir was there, as well.

Soon enough, we were instructed to take our seats. Berwald and I sat near the front, next to Emil and Leon. Mathias began to do the eulogy. He did quite well, until he began sobbing uncontrollably. Emil, Berwald and I had to go up and calm him, while Arthur had to finish the eulogy.

After the service was finished, we shut the casket in preparation to bury it. It was very light, all that was in it was a picture of all five of us and a little, golden cross hairclip.

The hole that Mathias had dug was beneath the burnt tree. The tree was miraculously still alive, but it was badly burnt. We lowered the casket into the hole. Mathias, Emil, Berwald, and I were the first to take a handful of dirt and sprinkle it on the casket. Everyone then joined, after we were finished.

Mathias, Berwald, Emil, and I stayed and finished covering the grave. Then, Emil, Berwald and I turned around to go home. I turned around to see Mathias putting an electric blue flower crown on his homemade tombstone, and then, taking out a diamond ring, as if showing it to it, and then pocketing it. He broke down crying right after.

Emil invited us to come in for some coffee, we declined. We went home, instead.

When we arrived, I immediately got out of my dress clothes and put on some sweatpants, Berwald did the same. After that, Berwald and I sat on the couch, watched movies, and cuddled for the rest of the day. We cried a little, too. It was alright, though. It's okay to cry sometimes, I knew that. I just couldn't come to terms with the fact that all of this was really happening. Lukas was gone, the men who killed him were still out there, and they could be coming for us next.

I brought my hands to my eyes and dried my tears. I couldn't be weak. No, not now. I had to stay strong. I had to project optimism and positive energy. For the sake of my friends and I alike.

 **A/N~**

 **I honestly have no clue where I am taking this story 0-0**

 **I still don't really know how I feel about it. I mean, I don't think it's horrendous, but I don't think it's, like, the best thing written since Harry Potter or something.**

 **Well, anyways, I feel like I am going to do something major with the SuFin couple in a few chapters, so I'm warning you now, in case I do!**

 **That's all for now, I hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

 **XOXO,  
SimplisticSuNor**


	7. Cloudy Days

_~Mathias_

 _Song: So Far Away…_ watch?v=A7ry4cx6HfY

A week had passed since Lukas' fiery death. I laid on top of the red, downy comforter of my queen-sized bed, staring at the ceiling, noticing the small cracks coming from the corners of the room. I felt nauseous. It was probably from hunger, for I hadn't eaten anything over the course of the week. I blinked, feeling the remnants of old tears streaked across my face. I brought my hand up to my face to feel. As the tips of my fingers touched my face, I felt something rough and sandpaper-like. I had begun to grow a scraggly beard.

"Ugh, what is wrong with me?" I said to myself. I had been so distant from the world, only going out to run errands. I went to check my phone. I had 27 messages, three of them were from Tino, Berwald, and Ned, checking to make sure I was doing alright. I texted them back, assuring them I was doing well. That was a lie, of course. My mind had been constantly bombarded with images and flashbacks to that night about a week ago. The other 24 messages were from Alfred and Gilbert, inviting me to go out and get some drinks. I ignored these messages. Usually, I would have agreed. I loved to go to bars and clubs and other things like that, but, lately, I just wanted to seclude myself from everyone and everything. I just needed to be alone.

Not for the first time since the incident, I thought of Lukas. I could see him. His flowing, blonde hair, his deep, dark blue eyes, his soft, fair skin. Everything from the way his eyes lit up while learning something new, to the way that peculiar hair curl stuck out from the side of his head. From the way he didn't care, to the times he cared too much. I thought of how he would sell his soul, give his life, his happiness, for the well-being of his friends and family. I wish that I could've done the same for him, but I couldn't, and now he was gone. He was gone, and it was all my fault.

I shoved my face into my pillow and sobbed. Thinking about Lukas was a bitter-sweet thing. It filled me with ecstasy thinking about the beautiful things about him, but this feeling of happiness was always cut short, for thinking about him always brought back the painful memories of the night when he left us. The night that they took him from us. Every single detail of that night came rushing into my mind like a river. The flames, the smoke, how they hurt Emil, the way the smoke choked the one closest to my heart, it was all there as if it were happening all over again.

I cried for what seemed like hours. Emil could probably hear me, but I hoped that he wasn't listening. I couldn't show weakness, I was the one who had to watch over him now. I had to be a big brother, like Lukas. I had to make sure he was alright. I knew that he was picked on at school, he's told Lukas and me about it. I had to make sure that he felt like he belonged, that he knew he was wanted. I needed to man up, I couldn't show weakness like this. It was time to leave my room.

As I was walking down the hall, I walked past a mirror. I noticed that I had dark circles under my eyes, my hair was frizzy, and the stubble made me look scruffy and dirty. I quickly walked past it into the bathroom. I had to clean up, at least a little bit.

I undressed and turned on the shower. I stepped in as the water began to trickle out from the shower. It felt nice to get clean. After my shower, I dried my hair and put it up in it's usual, spiked fashion, shaved my stubble, all that jazz. I put my usual clothes and shoes on. I had something important to do.

As I walked out the door, I stretched and absorbed the sunlight. The past few days had been nonstop rain, so it felt marvelous to feel the sun on my skin. Sun always made me feel more optimistic, so I had a bit more bounce to my step today than I have had lately.

I walked down the street, looking at my feet, avoiding unwanted interactions. I usually was the one to strike up a conversation with a random person, but recently, I've been feeling much more lethargic.

I arrived at my destination, the flower shop downtown. It was owned by my friend, Ned. I walked in and the little bell chimed. Ned was standing behind the counter, counting his money.

"Hello again, Mathias." He said, not looking up from his counting. I always purchased my flowers here, so Ned considered me one of his regulars.

"Hey, Ned." I liked to look around at the pretty bouquets he makes. After browsing for a while, I picked up a bundle of little, blue flowers. Forget me nots. I placed them on the counter.

"This all?"

"Yep"

"Alright…See you tomorrow?" I nodded, paid for the flowers, and left quickly. I had somewhere important to be.

As I walked down the street, I began to hum a song.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine…" I sniffed the flowers, they smelt so pleasant, they reminded me of warm summers of the past. The summers where my buddies and I would have picnics on the grassy hills just outside of town. The summers when we would stay out late, playing in the midnight sun. The summers when we would laugh, sing, and dance.

"...You make me happy when skies are grey…" I finally arrived back home, I went directly to the burnt tree. The sky began to darken, I sped up the pace of my walking.

"...You'll never know dear, how much I love you…" I knelt down in front of the grave and placed the flowers down by the tombstone. The rain began to fall, and so did my tears. Luckily, I managed to choke out the final line of the song.

"...Please don't take my sunshine away."

 **A/N~**

 **I feel like this chapter was shorter than usual, but oh well.**

 **Anyhow, (this is totally unrelated to my story but...) My friend is going to get a wattpad account this weekend and his first story is going to be about my life! He's a pretty good writer and I can't wait to read it! (All I know about it is that he changed my name to Lily for privacy reasons)**

 **So...I still have no clue what I'm doing, but I'm starting to get a feel for it. With that being said, I hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

 **XOXO,  
SimplisticSuNor**


	8. Scars Run Deep

_**CRAP I SCREWED UP AND POSTED THE WRONG CHAPTER ON THIS BEFORE BUT NOW THIS IS THE RIGHT ONE HERE YOU GO, HAVE FUN, I'M SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE**_

 _~Emil_

 _Song: Safe and Sound…_ _watch?v=RzhAS_GnJIc_

I woke up in a panic. I had the dream again, the dream where that dreaded night all came back to me. The smoke, the flames, the screams and cries, they were all too real. I couldn't bear it. I had a breakdown. I've been having them a lot since Lukas left us. Of course, that was only a week and a half ago.

I kicked the dark brown duvet off of me and sprung out of bed. I ran straight into my bathroom, crashing into the walls as I ran. I stumbled around the bathroom for a moment.

After a moment of frantic searching, I found a razor. I have a stash since I hit fourteen, thinking that I would have to shave. The reality was that I grew almost no facial or body hair, so shaving wasn't a problem, but, recently, I had found a new use for the sharp objects.

I sat on the floor, fumbling my razor, trying to get the blades out. When I managed to get one free, I pulled up my sleeve and put the razor to my skin. The blood began to flow out with each stroke I made.

With each slice, I thought of the negative forces of my life. The kids at school were one. They always make fun of Leon and me, us being a couple of the same sex. Once, they taped terrible slurs used to offend homosexuals on Leon and mine's lockers. I remember them clear as day. I remember, finally, coming clean and telling Lukas about what happened at school. He and Mathias helped me through so much. Going to school made me realize that many people, especially kids, are cruel and unforgiving. I thought of how they would make fun of the scars on my wrist, calling me an emo, an attention whore, and other words with negative connotations.

The kids at school were the type of people who would think that I do this to myself because I enjoy it, or because I'm seeking attention. The truth is, I did this to myself because I blamed myself for what happened to Lukas, if I had been a better brother, then maybe he'd be here now. I thought that what happened was my fault, it was easier to take it out of myself than trying to figure out what to do emotionally. I also needed to feel something besides the emotional pain that I'm feeling now.

My friends and family try to be supportive. Tino always says that Lukas isn't really gone, and that he'll always be with us in our hearts, but it doesn't help. I haven't seen Leon since that night when we all played games. He wasn't there when I needed him most. He usually was there for me, what made this different? It's not like he doesn't know about it, I texted him the morning after. Surely he knows about it. Was he just avoiding his responsibilities as a bofriend? Thinking of this triggered another swipe of my blade.

I thought of what Lukas would say if he saw me like this. He was always so caring towards me, and he always wanted me to feel safe and secure. If he saw me like this, he would be mortified, he would run into the bathroom and cradle me like a baby. He would talk to me and listen to me, he would genuinely care. I remember when I told him about the bullies at school. The whole time I was explaining the situation, he was looking at me, wide-eyed. Every time I would pause, he would nod or add his thoughts on the situation. That's what I admired most about my brother. He was always there for me, too bad I couldn't be there for him, just that one time.

I dropped the blade. The blood was still coming out of my damaged wrists, bleeding onto the tile floor, making a small pool. I put my hands over my eyes and began to bawl. I realized that the last time I had talked to Lukas, we had fought. I had basically said to his face that I didn't love him. He had always doted on me and cared for me, and I couldn't even return that. It really hurt me to know that Lukas died thinking that I hated him. My chest began to hurt with each sob.

"It's not true" I murmured under my breath. "I love you"

I must had stayed on the floor for at least an hour, because when I calmed down and stopped crying, the blood on my arms was dried. I went to the sink to wash it off so Mathias wouldn't see. I knew that he cared for me almost as much as Lukas did, and the last thing I wanted was for him to get worried about, yet, another thing.

I went into my room and put on an over-sized, dark blue sweater, even though it was the middle of August. I couldn't risk giving away my biggest secret. The colour of the sweater reminded me of Lukas' eyes.

I stepped out the back door, for I was going to see Lukas. I headed into the backyard towards Lukas' tree. When I got there, I saw big, strong Mathias on his knees, sobbing into his hands. On top of the grave, laid a bouquet of small, blue flowers.

I put a hand on his shoulder. He turned his head looked up at me, his eyes red and puffy from crying. I didn't want to seethe happiest and, possibly, one of the strongest men I knew crying. I needed to say something that would comfort him.

"Hey…" I started "...it's gonna be alright, we're gonna make it through this…"

"'Ya think so?" I didn't really think that we would, I felt like I was going to die, just from the emotional pain, but I had to say yes, for Mathias' sake.

"Yeah...and besides, think about how Lukas would react if he saw us like this."

"Heh...he'd be pretty upset." Mathias stifled a laugh, then got up and brushed off his pants. "I'm heading inside, 'ya coming?"

"Uh...yeah, just give me a second. I'll catch up to you." Mathias nodded and began to walk back to the house.

I knelt down in front of the tombstone. I took a deep breath, mentally thinking of what I was going to say to him

"Hey Lukas…" I started "So, how's the afterlife? I mean, if there is one…" I began to choke up. "Well, here on Earth we all miss you. Mathias is taking it real hard, so are Tino and Berwald." There go the waterslides, now tears were rapidly streaming down my cheeks. "Look, I really miss you, okay? I'm sorry that the last time we saw each other we fought, it's my fault, and I'm so, so sorry." I began to bawl my eyes out like a baby. I tried to stop, for I was outside, and everyone who walked by could see me.

"Mommy, why is that boy crying?" I heard a little girl on the sidewalk ask her mother. I felt my cheeks heat up with embarrassment. I couldn't stop sobbing, though. The tears kept coming.

During my crying session, I felt a hand on my head ruffle my hair. I looked up and saw Mathias, he stared down at me the same way I did to him earlier.

"Hey…" He said "It's gonna be okay, remember?" He took my hand and helped me up. I began to gain control over my emotions, once again. I wiped the tears from my face, still sniffling. Mathias and I embraced, holding one another protectively. As the hug ended and we broke apart, Mathias looked down on me, extend his arm, and mess up my hair, again.

"It's gettin' late, we should go back inside. Ya' know, get some rest." I nodded my head in agreement and, just as the sun began to set, we went back inside. Our arms around each other's shoulder.

 **A/N~**

 **I just realized how tiny my chapters are! They're smol, like me! (seriously, I'm 15 and I'm only about 152 cm)**

 **Thanks for reading this chapter and sticking with this fic for as long as you have! In all seriousness, though, it may be a while until my next chapter is posted, I start school soon, therefor I won't be able to write this as much. I've already started working on the next chapter and it's already over twice as long as most of them (it has 3,000-something words, as of now, and I'm not done with it yet) It may be the longest chapter in the whole story when I'm done! I'm not promising that it will be though...**

 **With that, I hope you've enjoyed this chapter and I hope that you'll follow or favourite!**

 **XOXO,  
SimplisticSuNor**


	9. He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

_~Tino_

 _Song: I Need You... watch?v=I7nIWKApT30_

I dialed the number, then put the phone to my ear, part of me hoping he would answer, the other part of me knowing he wouldn't. The frustrating ring of my phone echoed in my ear once more before I was transferred to the voicemail box.

 _"Hey...this is Lukas, I'm a little busy right now, leave a message and I promise I'll get back to you later...bye…"_ I hung up and called again, desperately missing the sound of his silvery, soft-spoken voice. I dialed his number again, feeling a bitter-sweet sting every time the little message played. I began to weep, I don't know if they were tears of joy, or of misery.

Berwald soon came down the stairs and rounded the corner, into the living room, where I was seated on our brown, leather couch. He walked up behind me and put his arm around my waist in a hug.

"I'm goin' to the store, 'ya wanna come?" He asked me, gently. I sniffled and dried my tears with my hoodie sleeve.

"Sure!"

We got into the van, me, being in the passenger seat, as Berwald was driving for this trip.

Something was a bit off with him. He seemed a bit...I don't know...tense, maybe? Possibly nervous? I don't know, but whatever it was, it really unnerved me.

"Hey, Ber...are you alright?" I asked him, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just a bit nervous, with that extremist group an' all. Just think, what would happen if they found us?"

"Ber, honey, I understand, honestly, I'm a bit scared, too. That's why we need to stay together, we make each other stronger. They don't stand a chance against us if we stay positive and together!"

"Mm, I guess your right…" I leaned in and gave Berwald a kiss on the cheek. He blushed and returned his focus to the road.

I fixed my gaze on whatever happened to be outside my window. I looked at the houses that whizzed past. I counted how many blue ones or white ones I saw. I thought repetitive stuff like that was mundane and tiresome, but I would do anything to keep myself from reflecting too much on what happened that night. We pulled into the parking lot of the shop. Berwald drove aimlessly around until we found a parking spot to temporarily house our monstrous van.

We walked into the store. The cold breeze of the AC caught me off guard, causing me to shiver. Berwald noticed my quaking and put a warm, protective arm around me. I nestled myself into the warmth of his hoodie. I felt protected when I was with Berwald. Safe.

As we walked through the labyrinth masquerading as a store, we got some weird looks from fellow customers, but their negative energy bounced right off us. We didn't care what they thought, we were in love, and we weren't afraid to show it.

Berwald and I separated halfway in between the produce section and the main part of the shop. Before we went our separate ways, Berwald to the produce and I to fetch the coffee and bread, we shared a warm-hearted, sincere hug. I treasured each hug from Berwald, they were the type of hugs that you wouldn't expect from someone. Most would expect a hug from Berwald to be rigid and awkward, but, in reality, they are comforting and warm, they felt like home to me.

After our hug, I went my own way to grab the coffee. I walked through the aisles, looking for the large, red canisters in which the coffee was kept in. When I found it, I found that it was on the top shelf. I stood on my tip-toes, but I still couldn't reach the coffee. Life was tough when you were a man as short as I was. Although, I was just below average by a couple inches, I still felt that everything was built for giants.

Soon enough, Ber came, already finishing his shopping. He lifted me up to reach the coffee. After he put me down, I pulled his head down into a kiss. It was passionate and soft. I hesitated for a moment when I heard a woman scream, but I realized that she was overreacting over our displays of affection. I regained my confidence and continued with the kiss. It lasted for quite a while, and was only interrupted by the sound of glass shattering, and the intense feeling of something hitting my head. I fell to the ground. Lying next to me, were various pieces of broken glass from a jar of the sorts. A red liquid splattered across much of mine and Berwald's faces and the floor. I brought my face up to feel it. I would recognize the feeling anywhere. Pasta sauce.

Berwald came down with me, he wasn't hit, but I must have pulled him down with me. Three men stood across the aisle, laughing at us. His friends were cheering him on. I then saw something that was as rare as Halley's comet, Berwald's face turned red in anger. He stayed put, though, making sure I was fine. I felt alright, I told him that, but my head hurt like hell.

The men who threw the jar of pasta sauce at me began advancing towards us, looking down at us as Berwald tried to help me clean up the mess. One of them kicked me aside, then kept moving towards Berwald. He kicked Berwald in the stomach, then lifted him by his shirt collar. Berwald didn't fight back, however. He didn't like hurting people, accidentally or intentionally, emotionally or physically. He didn't want to be what some people assumed he was, a monster. The man punched him in the face, causing his glasses to fall to the floor and break. He then threw poor Berwald to the ground, like trash. The first man began to kick him mercilessly. Yelling out awful slurs the entire time.

I got up, practically leaping. I was enraged at this certain trio's actions. If Berwald wasn't going to stick up for himself, then I would do it for him. I went to give that bastard a piece of me, but when I tried to do so, I was held back by his two dipshit-friends. I screamed and kicked at them, trying anything to break free, but they didn't care, nor loosen their grip.

After the man finished kicking, he looked at me, with a glint of anger in his eyes. Berwald shakily got to his feet and ran. I watched teary-eyed as he rounded the corner. I never in a million years would have thought Berwald could, or would, just leave me like that.

The man came to me and began punching me. I tried to kick him back, but he would dodge my kicks. No matter where I would kick, he was always able to dodge them. I need to give him some credit, he was really agile for a man of his size. He was still punching me, though. Tears began to stream down my face, blood began to spill. The man didn't stop punching me, until he, mysteriously, fell to the ground unconscious. A man with a dark, brown ponytail was standing behind him in some sort of martial arts pose.

"If either of you lay another finger on him, I'm gonna kung-fu kick you so hard, your grandchildren will feel it." A dark haired, young man with large eyebrows did the same martial arts move as the man before to the two men holding me. I instantly recognized the young man. It was Leon, Emil's boyfriend. He and the older man began to help me up.

"OMG" he said "Tino?! What the hell?" I scanned the aisle for Berwald, but he was nowhere in sight.

"Where's Ber?" I asked. Leon glanced at the older man for some help, but they both had no clue.

"I'm pretty sure he's in the back with Kiku still." The guy with the ponytail said. He was wearing a green apron with a pin on it that read 'Wang Yao: Manager'.

"We can, like, take you back there, if you want-" I barely gave Leon time to finish his sentence.

"YES! Please, take me to him. Is he okay? Does he need me? How's he doing?"

"JESUS, TINO! TAKE A CHILL PILL, HE'S FINE, JUST A BIT BRUISED, IS ALL!" I had never heard Leon raise his voice like that. Clearly, by the look on Yao's face, he hadn't, either. Leon cleared his throat and continued.

"This way…"

As we were walking, I stepped on something and heard a crack. I looked under my foot and saw thin, metal framework and shards of broken glass. Berwald's glasses.

Thank goodness they were already broken when I stepped on them. If I had broken them, I would have felt even worse than I already did. I pocketed the glasses, just in case they were fixable.

When we reached the very back of the store, there were double doors that read "Staff Only". Yao pushed them open. Inside, was a hallway composed, mostly, of concrete. The ceiling was decked with a few fluorescent lights. There were a few rooms on either side of the hall, mostly storage rooms. We stopped at the third door. I read the sign outside the door. 'Manager's Office'.

As Yao turned the doorknob, I could feel my heartbeat rapidly increase. My breathing was gradually becoming heavier. We stepped into the room, the sight made me gasp a little. What I saw, was a petite man with black hair putting his hands on, hyperventilating, Berwald's, much larger, shoulders, assuring him that I was going to be okay.

With the sound of my gasp, Berwald's head snapped to look where the noise came from. When he saw me, he jumped up and held me in his, quaking, arms. As far as I could see was covered with bruises from head to toe. I couldn't tell, what with my face shoved into his shoulder and all, but I think that he was crying. I lifted my arms and began to stroke my hand down his back. I whispered him calming, reassuring words.

"Shhhhh…It's okay, we're okay" He was definitely in tears. He buried his head in my shoulders. This probably looked real funny to Leon, Yao, and, presumably, Kiku. I was pretty short, only about 5'7", and Ber was about 6'5". He sobbed into my shirt for a moment.

"Ber...what's the matter?" He looked up at me, his eyes puffy and red from crying. His eyes locked with mine.

"...'was afraid I lost you…" I looked at him, then pulled him back into my arms. I was on the verge of tears.

"Me too…I was afraid you left me…" He held me tighter. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't hold back my tears. He looked me in the eyes. He dried the tears on my cheeks.

"I-I couldn't...I would never…" I could tell what he was trying to say, but I couldn't tell if he was genuine. My heart fell. I could never let anyone see that, though. I had to be the optimistic friend, for heaven's sake. I let out a small chuckle.

"I see…" I finally replied, halfheartedly. I tried to smile and look alright, but I don't think anyone was buying it.

"Tino, I-" I couldn't take it anymore.

"Lets just go home…" He grunted a little and nodded in agreement. As we walked to the car, Berwald tried to hug me and hold my hand. I silently declined these unwanted gestures. I wasn't in the mood.

As I was driving, he put his hand on my shoulder. I shot him a glare, letting him know that his affection wasn't welcome at the moment.

"I'm sorry I left you..." He told me for the fifth time since leaving the store. I rolled my eyes. I was really disappointed in him, and, above all, I was hurt by his impulsive action. "I did it...because I knew I couldn't handle the situation myself. I needed help..." I let my features mellow, but I still wasn't forgiving him. "I wanted to go back with Yao and Leon, but they told me to stay...I persisted, but Yao is even more stubborn than Emil...I'm sorry." My grip on the steering wheel eased. My bitch-face gradually faded to my natural face. I looked at him, he looked sincere and unsure of himself. Being Berwald, he was worried that I hated him. I felt relieved, overjoyed knowing that he cared for me that much. I turned my head back to the road, barely avoiding a head-on collision. Even though it was at my fault, I showed the oncoming driver my pointer and pinkie*. I looked down at the steering wheel, avoiding looking at Berwald's beaten, puppy-dog face.

"I forgive you." I muttered. I kept my face down, not wanting to show softness. Just because I was always nice to people, everyone thought I was weak, even though I could probably beat the shit out of them. Anyway, I wanted to change my image. I was tough, and I wanted everyone see that, too.

When we got home, I took Berwald's massive hand and led him through our maze of a house to the kitchen. On the way, I dodged various piles of clothes, pillows, blankets, you name it. After the adventure through our living room, we entered our dimly-lit kitchen. I sat him down on wooden, modern-looking IKEA chair. I quickly ran down the wooden stairs into the basement to get a few bandages, washcloths, and ice-packs. Berwald had tried to follow me downstairs, that was until I stood on my tip-toes to put my hand on his shoulder. He looked at me, confused, then sat back down.

I returned to the kitchen with my supplies in hand. I ran the washcloth under some warm water for a second, then brought it to the small cut right above Berwald's left eyebrow. It was completely silent in our little kitchen, and it made me a little skittish. I couldn't live in complete silence like this.

"Sorry about your glasses, Ber…" I began to say.

"It's fine, 'not your fault" He took the glasses out of his pocket. I studied them, curiously. They were hardly recognizable. All they were now was a pile of broken glass and bent metals.

"Do you think that they're, 'ya know, fixable?" He looked at the beat-up glasses, studying them.

"No, I don' think so. I'll get a new pair tomorrow." He put the glasses on the nearby kitchen table, sighed, and looked at the floor in despair. I knew that glasses weren't cheap, and Berwald was a fairly frugal person. I felt terrible, like I was the one to blame for this mess. I needed to make it up to him somehow.

"Do you want me to come with? I can pay for it if you-"

"NO!" He yelled, almost full volume. I was taken back by his sudden raise of voice. He cleared his throat and stood up. He held my hands in his and looked me in the eye. "No, not after what happened today. I'd feel much better knowin' you were here, safe." I looked at him, touched, but confused.

"Berwald, you know that I'm tougher than I look, I'll be okay…"

"No, you won't, you could've been killed today. If I hadn't gone to get Leon-" I stood on my tip-toes, put my hands on his shoulders, and looked him dead in the eyes. I was starting to get a bit annoyed.

"If I hadn't have stood up for you, you wouldn't have been able to get Leon or Yao!"

"If you wouldn't have stood up for me and would've just ran like any sane person, then you wouldn't have gotten hurt as badly!" He gestured to my black-eye and bruises. There was a pause. He struck a sour chord with me there. My face grew red and tears began to well up in my eyes.

"...I was only trying to help-"

"Well maybe you should stop trying!" I jumped back and gasped in utter surprise. I never would've expected Berwald to say something like that. I couldn't hold it back anymore and broke into tears. Berwald tried to put his hand on my shoulder and say something to me, but I just slapped his hand, ran into our room and locked the door.

I lept onto the bed face-first. I shoved my face into the pillow and sobbed. I could feel the hot tears coming from my eyes. For a moment, I considered calling Lukas to ask for his advice for my situation. I had always asked for his insights when I was dealing with a conflict of any sort. It took a moment for me to remember that I couldn't ask for his advice now. I couldn't ask for his guidance ever again. The fact began to sink in. The feeling of knowing that my best friend was gone felt worse than anything I had ever felt, and Berwald just poured salt over those wounds.

 **A/N~**

 ***"I showed the oncoming driver my pointer and pinkie"-this is basically an obscene Scandinavian gesture, much like showing your middle finger in America.**

 **This was not a fun chapter to write, I legit cried while I was writing it. (I cried while writing the last one, too, btw)**

 ***cries because my English sucks and school is starting soon***

 **Anyway, thanks for reading this chapter, I get so excited whenever I check the stats and I see new people reading my story or when I see that someone has reviewed this story or has PM'ed me!**

 **XOXO,  
SimplisticSuNor**


	10. September Rain

_~Emil_

 _Song: Wake Me Up When September Ends…_ _watch?v=ci5D5r6ZjXA_

I woke up, face first in my pillow, to the sound of my buzzing alarm clock, the very bane of my existence. My entire body felt heavy, in fact, it felt too heavy to lift. After laying in bed for about another fifteen minutes, I decided that it was time for me to at least check my phone.

I sat up, arching my back and raising my hands to stretch. After I cracked my back a few times, I stood up and walked to my desk, where I had set my phone to charge for the night. I pulled the plug from the inlet of my phone. I pressed the 'Home' button on the phone. The screen changed to show the current time, 6:17 AM, the temperature, 64 degrees Fahrenheit, and today's date, which was…

I had to do a double take. 'No' I thought 'It can't be...' No matter how much I denied it, it didn't change the fact that the worst day that I could possibly think of at the moment was today.

It was September 7th, the first day of school.

I looked over at the closet door to see the outfit Leon had arranged for me weeks ago still hanging on the doorknob. The outfit consisted of a greyish-blue cardigan with a graphic tee, a pair faded, black, skinny-jeans, black combat boots, and a black beanie. He had also laid out a bunch of silly-looking friendship bracelets he had made me when we were kids, and a necklace with a shark tooth on it. I took off my PJ's and began to dress myself.

"Goddammit, Leon" I muttered to myself as I fixed the bracelets on my wrist. After I finished dressing, I looked in the full-length mirror hanging from my door. My hair was still unbrushed and I didn't have the beanie on yet, but, as of now, the outfit didn't look like total trash on me, like most of my clothes.

As I was working my brush through my silvery, blonde hair, my stomach made a loud growling noise. I felt a pain in my head and stomach, most likely caused by hunger, for I had only eaten when Mathias reminded me to, which was not very often, due to the fact that he has been forgetting to eat, as well. When I finished brushing my hair, I placed the beanie on top of my head, adjusting it the way Leon showed me how.

My body tensed up as my bare feet touched the cold surface of the kitchen's white, tile floors. The first thing I saw in the kitchen was Mathias. He was leaning against the counter, enjoying an omelette.

"'Morning, Mathias" I said with a yawn. His head snapped around as soon as the noise escaped my mouth. His eyes were red and puffy, he must've been crying. I must have startled him, for he had a startled expression on his face, but his features relaxed as he came to realization that it was only me.

"Oh, hey, Emil..." He wiped his eyes with his sleeve and sniffled. "...When did you get up?"

"A while ago…" I hadn't seen Mathias for a few days, not since I found him crying by the grave. I thought about how he looked before the incident. He was a strong, happy-go-lucky fellow. I studied him, he was now depressed and gloomy. He seldom did his hair up the same way he used to, and it looked like he had slimmed down quite a bit. I wondered how often he had been eating.

Mathias analyzed me head to toe. He raised an eyebrow, confused. It must've been the fact that I was wearing something that could've been considered fashionable, when I've been wearing sweatpants and tee-shirts since I was thirteen.

"Leon insisted I wore this..." I mumbled. He nodded in approval. I felt embarrassed just with Mathias, I couldn't imagine what a mess I would be in front of the entire student body.

"I like it…" He studied me some more, before nodding again. "It's cool." I began to blush. I was terrible at accepting compliments. I have been since I can remember, but today, I didn't have the energy to shoot his kind words down, so I simply mouthed the words 'thank you'.

Mathias nodded and tossed me an apple. Since I couldn't catch for the life of me, it landed on the kitchen floor with a thud. Embarrassed, I knelt down to pick up the now-bruised apple.

"Do you want me to make you anything else?" Mathias asked me "I must say, I make a pretty mean omelette." My arms wrapped tightly around my stomach as it growled. I looked up at him and nodded, he was staring at me with that ridiculously dorky smile of his. Although, his smile seemed different these days. His powder-blue eyes lost their twinkle and seemed almost lifeless, and his shimmering smile itself had lost its overall brightness. Because of his radiant smile, he often projected an aura of happiness, but I haven't felt that kind of warmth in about a month.

As I waited for Mathias to finish making my omelette, I sat on one of the three bar stools placed near the counter and ate my apple. As I sunk my teeth into the crimson peel of the fleshy fruit, I felt the grainy texture of the bruised part of the apple from when I had dropped it earlier. The revolting taste combined with the vile texture caused me to lurch forward as I gagged. I felt my face turn as red as the apple I still held in my hand. I quickly covered up my flushed cheeks, trying to hide my embarrassment. Unfortunately, Mathias had seen my blush, and chuckled at my mortification.

"Haha! You know, your brother does the exact same thing whenever he blushed!" He seemed pleasant, maybe almost pleased with himself for making that inference. This didn't last long, though. There was a long pause, then, his smile soon faded and his eyes grew lifeless again. He inhaled deeply before continuing. " _Did_. He _did_ the exact same thing when he blushed…" Mathias looked down and twiddled his thumbs. I looked at the digital clock on the microwave behind him. 7:30, school started at eight-o'clock sharp. If I was going to make it on time, I was going to have to leave soon.

I put a hand on Mathias' shoulder, assuring him that I was still there for him, and that I wouldn't leave him like Lukas did. I told him everything was going to be okay, but, by now, I seriously doubted it.

We said our goodbyes and I was out the door, heading for the one place I wished could be swallowed into the Earth.

I kept my eyes on the ground below me, avoiding unwanted eye-contact. A bus zoomed past me, blowing wind from the bus' speed caused my silver-blonde hair to ruffle. I heard some kids in my class yell at me from the bus windows, bombarding me with their insults. I tried to not let them in, but failed miserably. My face turned crimson with embarrassment and anger. Hot, irate tears began to blur my vision. ' _No'_ I told myself ' _I won't let them get to me. I won't be the sensitive, antisocial pushover I was last year.'_

Soon, I looked up to see the old, brick building that served as our school. It was built over fifty years ago, so it wasn't necessarily in the best shape. The hallways were narrow and dusty, the classrooms were cramped and overpopulated with the mass of students. Due to the close quarters and lack of air conditioning, the classrooms were scorching hot all year round. But I won't complain, I know that there are millions of children that would gladly come to this crappy school for even a day, just to get some education.

As I walked through the double doors into the building. I take a deep breath as I step into the crowds of people, all clumped together into this tall mass of people. It all made me sick. The crowds, the smell, the heat, everything. Even though I was a junior, I still felt inferior to everyone, even all of the excruciatingly-nervous freshmen. The worst part is, I had no idea why. Was it because of my height? The doctors all said I was average, about 5' 8", but, do to all of the six feet tall giants, I felt shorter than I really was.

Maybe I was used to feeling inferior? After all, I had been pushed around my entire life by bullies. Everyday I was harassed to the point I'd rather be dead than go to school in the morning. It was like that, until Leon showed up. I remember my first impression of him, I thought that he was courageous to stand up to my tormentors the way he did. I will never forget when the oppressors began to move towards him. I yelled for him to move, he, instead, assumed a kung-fu pose and muttered "Come at me, bro.." The attackers all looked at each other in sheer confusion, then one of them complied and threw a punch at Leon. I cringed, expecting him to fall from the force of the punch. Instead, he dodged the punch and returned with a roundhouse kick at the aggressor's knees. I saw him hit the floor with a thud. The other attacker looked as if he had seen a ghost. Leon nodded his eyebrows, and with that, the bully bolted down the hallway, not wanting to upset Leon anymore.

Leon brushed his chocolate-brown hair away from his green eyes and looked at me with concern. He rushed over and held out his hand to me. I graciously took it.

"'You okay?" he asked me, I nodded. He helped me up and took me to the principal's office, and then to the nurse. Since that day, Leon and I had become more best friends, we grew to love each other.

After we started dating, Leon was bullied as well, regardless of his Ninja-skills. Unlike me, however, he seems to be able to just ignore it. He says it's because he's obeying Taylor Swift and just 'shaking it off', like from that dumb song.

A stupid grin comes across my face. Thinking about Leon always did that to me. I tried to stop smiling, seeing as I was in the middle of the school hallway, but I couldn't, on account that the image of Leon trying to teach me how to 'twerk' entered my mind. I couldn't help bud giggle, right there, in the middle of crowded hallway.

At last, I reached locker 1209, the locker assigned to me for the year. As my fingers worked to turn the black dial, I kept track of the white dashes, making sure I was putting in the right combination. I mouthed the numbers as I set the dial accordingly.

" _34...38...23…"_ I pulled up on the little, black handle, and the locker opened with a loud noise. As I was putting my excess supplies on the top shelf, I felt someone grab my waist from behind. My first reaction was to completely stiff up and make the most inhuman noise possible. God, why couldn't I be normal? I heard the unmistakable laugh that belonged to Leon. I whipped my head around and glared at him. He turned me around so that my entire body was facing him.

"Morning, babe…" He said, his green eyes staring into my violet pair. "Love your outfit…" I pushed him off of me, trying to save myself from embarrassment.

"Well, duh! You picked it out! And don't call me that…" He crossed his arms across his chest and smirked mischievously.

"Don't call you what? Babe?" He nodded his large eyebrows as he watched me squirm with discomfort.

"YES! Please don't call me that!"

"Alright whatever you say…" He seemed sincere, but I still didn't trust that he would stop. I thought I would give him the benefit of the doubt, this time. I took a deep breath.

"Thank you…"

"Sure thing…" I exhaled, thinking that this episode was over. Leon began to lean in close to my ear. I felt his hot breath on my neck. I could see him smirking, this couldn't be good "... _babe_ …" I put my palm to his face and pushed him away with an annoyed expression. He snorted with laughter and pushed back at me. "Come on! Take a joke!" I couldn't help but giggle now. With that, Leon and I walked down the hall to class together, thank goodness we shared first period. As we sat in our seats, Leon reached up from behind me and poked my cheek. We both burst into a fit of giggles and snorts. You know, with Leon by my side, this year couldn't be that bad, right?

Once again, I was wrong. First period went fine, all we did was learn about the curriculum and get a dumb syllabus. This is when my day really started to go downhill. I stared down at the syllabus.

 _Parent signature:__

Mine and Lukas' parents died two years ago in a car crash, I was fifteen at the time. Since Lukas was my only living relative, and the fact that he'd turned eighteen not long before, he became my legal guardian. He really struggled at first, trying to make ends meet. He worked all the time, trying to get enough money just to pay the bills and keep food on the table. He would often snap at me for little things, like not being home on time, but he only did it because he cared. I wish that I could have thanked him for his kindness.

Leon put his arm around my shoulder to comfort me. He always knows when I'm in a funk, I swear, he's some sort of phycic. We walked down the hallway that way.

" _Omg! Save it for the pride parade!"_ I heard a popular girl say.

" _Yo, get a load of the fags over there!"_ An athlete said to his team. I tried to hide my embarrassment in my sweater, but failed. Leon, however, was glaring over his shoulder at them.

"Those bitches…" I heard him say under his breath. "I'm going to talk to them." Oh my God, no, this was my worst fear. Cruel attention. Before I could do anything Leon grabbed my wrist and walked over to the athlete.

"Leon, wait! LEON!" I struggled against him as he pulled me through the crowds of people. In not enough time, we were there. The guy who made the comment was tall and buff, and could probably break me or Leon like a twig.

"You know what Bradley?" Leon began to say "If I didn't know better, I'd say you're jealous!" Bradley and the entire team looked dumbfounded. Soon, he began to advance towards us, cracking his knuckles. However, Leon didn't take that as a sign to stop. "I mean, who wouldn't want to date Emil? He's the total package! He's smart, funny, _and_ handsome." Bradley kept getting angrier and angrier.

"Why would I date that emo fag when I could date any girl in the school?" The words cut me like knives. I grabbed Leon's arm and squeezed it to let him know I was uncomfortable. But even hiding behind Leon couldn't save me from what was next to come. Bradley stepped forward and kneeled down so his face was just centimeters from mine.

"What's the matter, Emil?" He hissed "Am I being mean? You gonna hide behind your boyfriend for protection? Come on, you little, emo cry-baby. Come fight me like a man!" I didn't even realize what was happening when Bradley pulled me into the open air between his team and Leon. I had noticed that a group of spectators had appeared, thirsty for some action. I just stood there, facing Bradley like an idiot. He was in a wrestling position, ready to fight me. I looked to see Leon being pushed out of the ring by spectators.

"You know what, Emil? I'm feeling nice today, you get the first move." My stomach was tied in knots and my face was as red as a rose. I just stood there awkwardly, wanting to click my heels three times and go home. Over the chorus of people chanting "Fight!" I could hear Leon calling my name from the outside of the circle, his voice full of concern.

"DON'T YOU DARE HURT A HAIR ON HIS BEAUTIFUL HEAD, YOU BRUTE!"

"Alright, Emil…" Bradley said "I'm going to give you five more seconds to make your move...Five...Four...Three, Two, One!" He lunged at me with full force. I didn't have time to do anything before I hit the floor with the six foot tall monster on top of me. He grabbed my wrists and pinned me down with one hand and punched me in the face with the other. I yelped in pain as his fist struck the area near my eye. The cheers of the crowd only grew louder. Above that, I could hear Leon cursing loudly. I tried to push up and get Bradley off of me, but he would only push down harder.

After what seemed like hours, the crowd suddenly died down. Bradley had gotten off of me when he realized that he had obviously won. He had spat at the ground near me as he left. I was fading in and out of consciousness, and I wasn't really sure what was going on. I looked up to see three gym teachers and the vice principal. Behind them, was Leon. Thank goodness he's okay. As soon as Bradley realized he had been busted, he got off of me and ran to his next class. Leon pushed past the adults and ran to my side.

"Need help-OH MY GOD" He grabbed me and pulled me to my feet.

"What?"

"Your eye!" My hand darted up to touch it. As soon as my fingertips lightly touched my eye I felt sensation of pain. I was secretly freaking out, but I had to keep cool. I shrugged.

"Eh, it's just where he punched me. It'll heal." I felt something trickle out of my nose, I put my fingers up to the mysterious liquid. Blood now covered my fingertips. Leon was getting twitchy.

"It's _just_ where he _punched you?_ " He asked. "And now look at you, your nose is _bleeding!_ That's it! To the nurse with you!" With that, he swept me off my feet and started carrying me bridal style.

"LEON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"Taking you to the nurse!" I didn't bother fighting him, it wasn't worth it. I was going, whether I liked it or not.

When we got to the small, dark room that served as the nurse's office, it was seemingly empty. My boots clicked on the white, tile floor with each step. The sound bounced off the narrow walls, echoing across the room.

"Hello?" Leon called out. No response. He repeated it a second time, much louder than the first. Still no answer.

"HELLO, IS ANYONE HERE? WE HAVE AN INJURED CHILD OVER HERE!" I shook my head at his nonsense.

"Leon...I'm older than you-" Before I could finish, he put his index finger to my lips, silencing me.

"Shh...You're just a baby...a helpless, little baby…"

"Leon, I'm not-"

"Shh...babies can't talk…" I rolled my eyes at him. He's so eccentric. I always wonder how we came to be.

A few minutes later, the nurse walked into the room, tying her short, blonde hair into a bun. Her plump face was struck with surprise as her head turned to look at us.

"Oh!" she exclaimed. Her mouth curved into a smile. "Hello, boys! What can I help you with today?" What the heck? Could she not see that I was suffering minor injuries to my face?

"Um…" Leon began "Are you blind or something?" He dramatically gestured towards me. The chubby, middle-aged woman's eyes widened in surprise. At first, because of Leon's mannerisms, then because of my injuries. She sighed, then went to get an ice pack for my eye.

"So…"She began, awkwardly. "What happened to you?" I hesitated for a moment, piecing together what I was going to say.

"Well…"

"OH MY GOD, YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED!" Leon cut in, before I could say anything. The nurse watched and listened to him intently, whereas I ignored him. I was so done with people. All I wanted to do at the moment was curl up and die.

After Leon finished his dramatic, over-exaggerated story, the nurse continued to examine my wounds.

"Well…" She started. "You've got a pretty bad black eye...and I think your nose may be broken." Leon gasped at the sound of those words.

"NO!" he yelled "Not my baby!" He ran up to me and tried to hug me. I pushed him away at each attempt. The nurse cleared her throat, then continued.

"And I think it would be best if you were to go home for today and come back when you're feeling a little better…" My heart leaped into my throat. I was going home. I could lay in my bed, sleep, and just be alone for a while, which is kind-of what I needed at the moment.

Class was in session when I went back to my locker, so the hallways were empty. When I finally got to my locker, I put in the combination and grabbed my phone to text Mathias to come and pick me up, seeing as I was in terrible shape. A few minutes later, my phone buzzed, signaling Mathias' reply.

" _Aw… Sure… Not feeling well?"_ My fingers danced across the keyboard of my phone, creating my response.

" _I guess so..."_ My hand reached up and touched my blackened eye, the familiar sensation of physical pain shot through my face, and soon filled my entire body. I shuttered at the feeling.

At about a quarter before nine o'clock in the morning, Mathias pulled into the parking lot with his Jeep Wrangler. It was still fairly warm out, so he had kept the roof off. I remember one summer, if I remember correctly, it was right after we moved in with Mathias. Us three, being Mathias, Lukas, and I, all piled into the Jeep and went off roading. Mathias had done it many times before, therefore, he was pretty calm about the activity. Lukas and I, however, had never gone off roading before, and as soon as Mathias veered off the road, my brother and I joined in a chorus of hideous, girly screaming, profanities leaking from my brother as we drove down the steep, grassy hill. Mathias grabbed Lukas' thigh, laughing at us.

"You silly gooses!" He said in between snorts of laughter. "Have you never been off roading before?" We froze in our current positions, screeches instantaneously silenced by the realization that Mathias knew what he was doing and that he was completely insane.

I remember, as soon as we got out of the car, I felt dizzier than I ever had before. I looked over to see Lukas near a tree, doubled over ,emptying the contents of his stomach into the grass. Mathias was patting him on the back, cackling, like usual.

"Haha! I didn't know you got motion sickness!"

"Touch me again and I'll stab you in the throat with my pencil, then, I will rip your lungs from your rib cage and feed them to Berwald and Tino's dog. When you're good and dead, I will rip off your head, throw it on a stake, and parade around the town."

I walked through the double doors leading me out of this retched place. The sky that was once golden and sunny this morning was now a dark grey. Cold tears of rain slowly began to fall. Mathias cupped his hands over his mouth and called out to me.

"Come on, Emil! Pick up the pace! We've gotta get home before it starts pourin'!"

It was a little hard for me to run, due to my current state, but, I did manage to hobble slightly quicker. As I neared the Jeep, I saw Mathias, who's usually gravity-defying hair was beginning to flatten and frizz due to the humidity. His eyes widened as soon as my face came into his range of view.

"What. The. HELL?!" He gestured towards my eye, with the look of concern frozen on his face. I shrugged my shoulders, trying to give off the vibe that I didn't really care. His look of concern morphed somewhat into face of rage.

"HOW?!"

"Leon was trash-talking some jock then it, well, escalated…"

"ESCALATED TO THE POINT THAT YOU GOT DRAGGED INTO A FIGHT?!"

"Yeah…" Mathias hit his face with the palm of his hand in frustration and sighed.

"Just...get in the car…" Mathias seemed angry, so I did as I was told and hopped into the passenger's seat of the Jeep. I looked at Mathias, sheepishly, for I was worried that he was angry with me. I must have been giving off that aura, because he turned to me and had the most gentle, caring look in his eyes that I had ever seen.

"You know…" He began. "I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at the kids who did this to you." I sighed in relief, but Mathias wasn't done. "I'm also kinda mad at myself. I made a promise to Lukas I would protect you…" His eyes began to tear up. "..and now look at you...This is my fault. I'm sorry, Emil…" I was speechless. I knew Mathias was kind and happy and whatnot, but I've never seen this side of him. I put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Hey...It's alright, I don't blame you for what happened. I sorta blame myself…"

"Why's that?"

"Because...I could've fought back, I went down too easily...I didn't try hard enough." Mathias' face had an indecipherable expression. He looked angry or determined or somewhere in between.

"Emil." He started. "It is not your fault. You shouldn't have to fight back. The person who did it shouldn't have started the fight in the first place."

Hearing Mathias say this almost brought back my faith in humanity. Then I realized that he wouldn't have to say that if Lukas was still with us today.

We arrived home just as it started to downpour. I used my bag to shield my head from the frigid drops as I ran up the black, asphalt driveway to the sanctuary that is my house. As soon as I got inside, I went straight up the winding staircase to my room to change into my sweatpants and tee-shirt. When I was properly dressed for a day of rest I laid on my bed, closed my eyes, and drifted into, what was my first peaceful sleep in over a month. I could feel my tiredness melt away as I traveled deeper and deeper into my slumber.

* * *

 **A/N~**

 **Sorry I haven't updated in so long! I've been busy with school and work and acting and stuff...**

 **Well...I hope you enjoyed this chapter (It's the longest one so far, so...yay?) There will definitely be more to come!**

 **As I usually say, reviews, follows, favourites, PMs, and even just views** **make my day! So please continue to comment and give me advice or ideas or whatever. I'm always open for constructive criticism!**

 **Anyways, thanks for reading! I hope you like the story so far, because I don't think I'm ending it any time soon!**

 **XOXO  
** **SimplisticSuNor**


	11. Anything for you

_~Berwald_

 _Song: I Can't Help Falling In Love With You. . ._ _watch?v=zZkih54evUs_

Seated on the floor next to mine and Tino's shared room, I listened to his crying. I could hear his deep, angry sobs and every troubled breath in between. He hadn't left the room in two days since the incident at the grocery store and my feeling of concern had grown. I raised my hand into a fist to knock on the white, wooden door, even though I had already tried to lure Tino out with food, gifts, and love, I needed him to come out instantly. This couldn't wait.

At the sound of my knocking, the crying ceased for a moment, then Tino promptly threw what was, presumably, his shoe at the door.

"Go away!" I wasn't going to hear that answer any longer. I, impatiently, knocked again. Again, I got the same answer.

"Tino, this can't wait! I need 'ye t' come out now!"

"Well, what if I don't wanna come out?!" As angry as I was, I managed to keep my cool. My patience, however, was running out.

"Please, Tino…" I growled through gritted teeth.

"No! Why don't you go build another chair or something? Something that you won't yell at for sticking up for you and not being a little wussy!"

"Because the chair wouldn't care 'f I said that the social worker is comin' t' inspect our house t'day!" There was a moment of silence between us, I thought for a moment that Tino came to realization as to what I meant.

"What social worker?" I hit my hand to my face in frustration. What did Emil and Leon call this gesture again? Face...palm?

"Oh, I dunno! Maybe the one that's been makin' sure that our house 's fit for us to adopt children?!" Again, there was a moment of dead air between us. The only sounds in between us was Tino and mine's heavy breathing. But, soon enough, I could hear the springs of the bed, a sign that Tino was slowly getting up and making his way to the door. After a few seconds, I heard the lock on the door click from the inside. When the door swung open, Tino stood looking up at me, his fluffy, blonde hair ruffled, his pale cheeks were stained with tears, and his big, beautiful, amethyst eyes staring up at me, looking as if he was about to cry again. He latched onto me, burying his face in my chest and sobbing. I held him tight, feeling his face nuzzled against my heart, causing it to beat rapidly. I ran the fingers of my left hand through his soft snarled hair in attempts to comfort him, but he only continued to bawl.

" _Hush_. . . ' _ts okay_. . ." His little hands gripped my shirt, pulling me even closer to his small, warm figure. I used my, much larger, right hand on his lower back and planted a kiss on top of his head. He looked up at me with his tear-filled doe eyes with surprise. Expecting a slap to the face, I braced myself. However, instead of being reprimanded, he hugged me around the neck and pulled me down to his height and his soft lips embraced mine. We shared a short, sweet kiss, completely wrapped within our own little world, until Tino pulled away for a moment. He looked up at me bashfully, brushed a stray chunk of hair out of his face, then let out a small chuckle.

"I thought you stopped loving me. . ."

"No. . . I could never stop lovin' you, Tino. . . Not even f'r a mom'nt." There was a moment of dead air between us. I decided to break the silence by humming a familiar song.

" _Jag vill känna att jag lever, All den tid jag har, Ska jag leva som jag vill, Jag vill känna att jag lever, Veta att jag räcker till. . ."_ As I looked down at Tino, his wide eyes were filled with curiosity and wonder. I continued to sing the tune.

" _Jag har aldrig glömt vem jag var, Jag har bara låtit det sova, Kanske hade jag inget val, Bara viljan att finnas kvar. . ."_ Tearing up, I moved to the last verse of the song.

" _Jag vill leva lycklig för att jag är jag, Kunna vara stark och friSe hur natten går mot dag, Jag är här och mitt liv är bara mitt, Och den himmel jag trodde fanns, Ska jag hitta där nånstans. . ."_ Choked up, I finished the last line of the song.

" _Jag vill känna att jag levt mitt liv."_ Tino continued to stare up at me, awestruck. His big, child-like eyes glistening with joy.

"What were you singing?"

". . . Just an old Swedish song I've known forever. . ."

"Oh. . . Well, it was really pretty. . ."

"Th'nks. . ."

"No problem! Now, are we going to clean this house for the social worker or what?" With that, he darted into the living room to tidy up before the social worker got here. I followed after him, hoping to be of some assistance in his crazy cleaning frenzy.

Picture a very intense mother who started her cleaning one minute before her in-laws comes over, now give her Redbull and force her to inhale helium. The result is Tino.

When I reached the living room, Tino was already there. Along with him, held in his arms was our vacuum, feather duster, glass cleaner, furniture polish, various rags, and. . .Was that a carpet cleaner behind him?

Tino was frantically uncoiling the cord belonging to the vacuum cleaner. I remained stationary, watching over his terrifying cleaning fit. He looked quite ridiculous. His hair was standing on end and he was still in his pajamas at ten o'clock in the morning. I chuckled, but it was more like a puff of air, considering I had tried to compress it, but Tino picked up on my giggle. His head snapped around on his neck, he had a crazy glint in his eyes. When he hastily got up and began to advance towards me, I sighed and braced for impact.

When he arrived, he stood on his tiptoes and put his hands on my shoulders. My blue-green eyes met his violet ones. He took an agitated breath and began his lecture.

"Berwald." he said in a voice that showed he wasn't particularly pleased with me at the moment. "We don't have time for laughter right now. What we need is to get this place looking like a new, five-star, gourmet French restaurant by noon."

"Th's is a suburb'n house. . .How 're we gonna make it look like a-"

"-hard work and dedication, Berwald. Hard work and dedication. . ." With that, he was back to the vacuum, turning it on and beginning to clean the carpeted living room. Once the ear-splitting noise of the vacuum polluted the room with its song, Tino lifted the vacuum into the air and screamed what sounded like a war cry that would make any dust particle need a new pair of pants. That's when I decided it would be best to take refuge upstairs and begin to clean up there.

When I reached the top of the stairs, I continued down the short hall towards the door at the end. Twisting the cold, metal doorknob, I took a deep breath. I hadn't been in the room since I put it together, and Tino hadn't seen it yet, for it was meant to be a surprise. I decided I would show him today while the social worker was inspecting the house. What I had put together was a bedroom for the boys we were hoping to adopt.

Inside the room was a wall painted the colour of the ocean. On the left wall, I had built white bunk beds, connected by a little white ladder. I put a window that could be seen on a ship on the headboard of the bottom bunk. Jetting out from the same wall was the stern of a white boat that was accessible from the top bunk. I thought that the boys might like to play on it on a rainy day. On the adjacent side of the room, the window was covered by translucent white curtains that let a little sun through.

I ran my fingers over the minuscule white table set near the window, minding the two little chairs seated on either side of it. As I lifted my large hand, I noticed the dust particles covering my hand. The table had a clean streak where I ran my hand. I reached my hand behind me to my back pocket and pulled out an old rag to dust the room with, for if the table was dirty, the other surfaces must have been, as well. As I cleaned, I hummed the song I had sung to Tino earlier.

The song was called Gabriella's sång, from the movie "As It In Heaven", it was a Swedish movie that I saw a while back in theatres. All I remember is falling in love with that song. The lyrics and the instrumentals took my breath away, the first time I heard it, I shed a few tears. The sheer beauty of the music forced me to feel emotions I'd never felt before. It was because of that movie I discovered my love for music. Although I'm not the best, I sing along to my ABBA CD's when Tino's not home.

Downstairs, I heard Tino screaming even louder than he had been before.

*"PERKELE!"

I ran down the flight of stairs to see what was troubling him this time. When I arrived at the bottom of the steps, I saw him frantically shoving his cleaning supplies into a closet while changing into his everyday clothes.

"Tino? What're ya' doin'?" He snapped his head around and looked at me with his crazy light-orchid eyes.

"She's here!" He said, half whispering. It took me a moment to realize who "she" was, but my brain soon registered the fact that it was the social worker, coming to evaluate our home. Panic struck my mind as I began to help Tino shove all of his cleaning stuff into a closet while he finished getting dressed.

After two whole minutes of hellish packing and stuffing, we were prepared for anything the social worker had to throw at us. Tino came out of the bedroom wearing a light grey cable-knit sweater and blue jeans. He looked like a father, which we both hoped we'd become soon.

When the doorbell finally rang, he went to greet it with his smiling, cheerful self. We agreed a while back that he'd answer the door instead of me, in hopes I wouldn't scare the poor woman away with my intimidating aura.

I could hear my precious husband greet the social worker in the next room over.

"Hi!" He said, brightly. Is it weird to say I could hear him smiling?

"Hello. I'm Nima Cunningham." She didn't sound too enthusiastic. I thought she sounded rather austere. I hadn't been too nervous until now. Now I felt like I was going to barf all over the carpet Tino had just spent half an hour cleaning. I decided to join Tino to see what we were up against. What I saw around the corner was a woman who stood about two inches taller than Tino. She had thin, brown hair and stern eyebrows. Her face was almost as emotionless as mine or Lukas' are considered. She raised an eyebrow at us.

"Aren't you going to invite me in?" She glared at Tino with a look that could kill. I could sense his nerves, so I put my hand on his shoulder to let him know that he was safe, so long as I was there. Tino was a fabulous little actor, he put on his beautiful smile and gestured into our home.

"Oh, of course! Please, make yourself at home!" She strode past Tino and me, depositing her raincoat on our coat-rack. Tino followed close behind her, while I brought up the rear. Nima held a clipboard and pen in her hand, occasionally scribbling some notes, I assume. Tino sped up slightly so that he would be able to talk to her.

"So…Neither Berwald or myself have been through the adoption process...You wouldn't mind explaining to me how it works, would you?" Without stopping, she glared at him for a bit, not saying anything. As the silence was beginning to cause Tino to tense up, he let out a nervous chuckle. Nima rolled her eyes and, finally, inhaled to say something.

"I pretty much just survey your house and make sure it's suitable for children, then I need to ask you and your _husband_ a few questions. Happy now?" I hated the disgusted tone she put on the word "husband", Tino was slightly offended as well, for he looked back at me nervously. I just returned his glance, seeing as I was just as, if not, more nervous than him. Tino turned back to Nima and smiled.

"Oh, yeah, I am happy! Thanks!" She rolled her eyes at him again, Tino responding by making a sort of heart broken face. The fact she didn't even try to be nice to Tino mad me want to throw her into an incinerator. That sounds bad, but she was really quite rude, I could hardly tolerate her. I did, however, admire how Tino managed to keep smiling through it all.

"So. . . Would you like me to give you the grand tour?" He said, looking as optimistic as ever. She nodded once and Tino lead her through the house. Watching him excitably describe the rooms was such a treat. He'd laugh and try to tell a joke every once in a while, he was genuinely having fun. He'd tell Ms. Cunningham about what we did in each room, of course excepting the bedroom. Everything was going amazing, and I hadn't even revealed my surprise to either of them yet, but I decided that now was the perfect time.

"Alright!" Tino said, turning to his audience of two. "That concludes our grand tour!" I saw Nima write something on her clipboard, she then looked to Tino with the most menacing expression.

"Where will the children be staying? Do you expect to have them sleep on the floor?" She kept aggressively bombarding him with questions like that, causing him to cower and begin to tear up. He tried to find an answer, but kept stumbling over his words, it didn't help that she wouldn't stop yelling and continued to interrupt him.

I couldn't take any more of this, I angrily pushed my way to the front and grabbed both of their arms and lead them to the door of the room I had made for the boys we were hoping to adopt.

"Here, this is where I intend on having the boys stay." Tino looked at me, dumbfounded. I smiled at him, assuring him I knew what I was doing.

I opened the door, leading them into the room. As soon as Tino walked in, he gasped and put his hands over his mouth, I loved making him happy. Even Nima seemed to accept the sailor-themed room. She looked at me, smirked, and nodded. I knew we were getting those boys.

As Nima's visit was coming to an end, we began to make our way back downstairs to the living room. While she was going out the door, she handed Tino our adoption application.

"Hold this for a sec?" Tino nodded and took the papers. Nima dug in her bag for a bit, until she found a large stamper and applied it to the paper. As soon as she lifted it up, the word "ACCEPTED" was there in big, red letters. The look on Tino's face was priceless. His beautiful eyes widened, his jaw dropped. After a few seconds of trying to register what had just happened, he smiled, ran up to Nima, and hugged her. He jumped up and down repeatedly with her, screaming "thank you" over and over. After he was done with her, he ran over to me and did the same thing.

As soon as Nima left, he got the step-stool intended for the boys and kissed me. We shared a long, warm, passionate embrace, completely infatuated with each other. I ran my fingers through his downy hair. Despite all of the times Tino can drive me up the wall, it's days like this one that make me realise why I love him. It's because of his genuine personality, his optimistic spin on everything, and his quirkiness. These are all endearing qualities, but they all make Tino himself, and I couldn't ask for a better husband. Not in a million years.

 **A/N:**

 **AHHH! It's been so long since I've updated! I'm so sorry! I've been so busy with AP classes and homework and therapy and such! I'm going to try to update more over the summer, and, hopefully, start to pick up the story!**

 **I had to do a lot of research of the adoption process to make sure I didn't totally screw up that aspect of this chapter! If I did, let me know so I can try and edit it ASAP. If you have any suggestions as to where you want to see the story go, please don't hesitate to message me or leave a review. Even though I don't update very often, I try to check my stats and inbox AT LEAST once a week, and, believe it or not, your suggestions really influence me, so PLEASE don't hesitate, because, no matter how extreme or obscure your idea is, I'll at least consider it!**

 **Thank you for making it so far in my story, I hope you'll continue to read it as I press on!**

 **XOXO, SimplisticSuNor**


	12. Comfortably Numb

~ _Mathias- Comfortably Numb. . ._ _watch?v=y7EpSirtf_E_

I took a deep breath in, acknowledging the familiar scent of cigarettes and alcohol that now reaked the house. Laying on the white living room sofa, I looked up at the ceiling, admiring the twinkling lights of the chandelier, blowing the smoke from my current fag towards the ceiling. Figures danced within the smoke, performing a beautiful dance for me. Vibrant memories from forgotten days were riddled in the peaceful charcoal aerosol. Emil and Leon, smiling and laughing. Berwald lifting Tino towards the sky in admiration. I watched the smiles on their lips grow wider as the smoke spread across the room into a haze. The last of the smoke swirled into one place to resemble a face that I wish I could forget, but won't, no matter how bad I want it.

I looked to see Lukas' striking features form in the smoke, everything down to that unruly curl of his. I couldn't stand seeing him appear in the very substance that took him from us, from _me_. I sent an empty bottle of beer I had left on the coffee table at the smoke, smashing the bottle and finally disbanding the smoke.

Although the smoke was gone, the anger still resonated within me. The anger will always be there. It lurks in the dark corners of my soul and never fails to strike when the littlest of things annoy me. I can't escape The Anger. It's a demon that's attached itself to me. It's a needy child that has become my burden. It feeds on annoyance and infects me with violence and hatred to all those around me. I don't want to be like this, but I have no choice. I try to escape through drinking and smoking, which temporarily relieves me, but the tumor that is The Anger soon grows back more powerful than before, ultimately forcing me to succumb to it's absolute dominance over my freewill.

I don't want Emil to grow up in a house with drugs and drinking and smoking. I felt bad that Ned would occasionally come over whilst he was on one of his highs, but now I've brought these coffin-nails into his home. I want him to grow up to do great things I know he's capable of. He may amount to nothing because of my newfound dependence on these cancer sticks and poisons. I hate that I've done this to him, but the rush is amazing. It numbs the pain of my losses, and consoles my angered self. As much as I love Emil, I have to admit that I love the drugs more.

The drugs shield me from The Anger, they protect me. Emil usually just sits there on his phone and plays victim of The Anger's attacks, doesn't he know I'm the real victim? Does he know how The Anger can hurt me so much? Obviously not.

After using cigarettes and alcohol to help me run from my fears for the past two months since Lukas' death, I began to develop a tolerance to the highs that once gave me an escape from the horrors that are my reality. The highs have been gradually been doing less and less every time I smoked a fag, thinking about how I smoke about six packs a day. I needed to experience the same feeling again.

I knew that cough syrup can cause a high, so I decided to give that a go. I glanced at the LED clock on our stove in the kitchen, it read "1:00", about three hours until Emil got home, perfect.

I practically ran up our twisted, carpeted stairs to the bathroom at the top in which we keep our medicine. Looking into the mirror, I took a quick, shallow breath and opened it, revealing our medicine, including the cough syrup. I took the cap off and took a huge swig. As soon as the foul liquid reached the tip of my tongue, I almost spit it out. It tasted like shoe polish and grenadine mixed together into an unholy concoction. I endured the pain, however, recalling the high I'd be rewarded with withing the next fifteen minutes. I swallowed without gagging, thankfully, then took another big drink. I proceeded to do this three more times until the once full bottle was about half empty.

Within a half hour of my binge-drinking session of the cough syrup, I fell dizzy. I was hardly able to stand. The room was spinning and my stomach was doing backflips, and had trouble keeping the little contents down.

I fell on the back of the couch, barfing in an old chip bag I left on the coffee table. This was nothing like my first cigarette high! After my first smoke, all the troubles seemed to melt away, this just created more!

More vomit rose to my throat, causing me to curl into a compact position and lose the contents, or lack thereof, from my stomach. I felt like I was going to die, which I wouldn't mind. If I were dead, I may be able to see my Lukas again.

After about an hour of barfing and dizziness, it began to fade and I came to. I still craved that feeling of power, so I quickly put on my red rain jacket and my red and white hightops and rushed out the door to my black Jeep Wrangler.

I sat myself in the driver's seat, turning the ignition key and hearing and feeling the hum of the engine starting up. With that, I backed out of our driveway and down the road, being thankful that I had put the cover on my Jeep when I had, if I hadn't, I'd be soaked by now, and my glorious mane would be flattened by the unforgiving raindrops.

I took my turn and drove up to my destination, cash in hand. The new wooden sign above the door read "Ned's Floral and Gifts" in forest green, handpainted letters. It gave the place a kind-of millennial charm that made it look like a vegan-yoga joint or something.

Pushing the wooden door inwards, I entered the quaint flower shop. It had somewhat of an otherworldly feel to it. Ned's flowers were always perky and happy, adding brightness and colour to his otherwise bland, wooden shop.

A few minutes later, Ned came from the back of his shop, eyes bloodshot and a pipe in his mouth with smoke coming from it. When he saw me, he waved and began to make his way toward the front of the store. Once he arrived, he took the pipe from his mouth.

"What can I get'cha? The usual?" I nodded, and he turned to tend to the flowers closest to us.

"Well, yeah, but I was wondering if you could help me with something else today." He kept working on his flowers, not breaking his concentration.

"Like what? Please don't tell me you want to have sex, because I've been there before, and it's not fun in the sho-"

"NO YOU SICKO, THAT'S JUST NASTY!" Ned looked up, blushing with a somewhat disappointed look on his face.

"Oh. Well, what do you want then?"

"I was wondering if you could hook me up with some, you know, _herb?_

"Like basil? Or cilantro? Thyme, maybe?"

"NO! You know, _herb."_

"Rosemary?" I face-palmed so hard, that if I ever had children, I'm convinced they'd have an imprint of my hand on their forehead for their whole lives.

"WEED, NED, I MEAN WEED!" It was perceivable that Ned realized that he had been a complete idiot.

"You know that's the exact opposite of what I do."

"I NEED MARIJUANA, NED!"

"You could've just said so, I closed the shop so I could eat something, and I sent Laura home, so we're the only ones here. I was just about to have a smoke as well, ya' know"

"I'm not taking any chances!"

"Okay. . . but to answer your question, yes, I can. Just come in back."

I followed him past the counter and into a dimly-lit hallway with grimly painted walls and flickering fluorescent lights, much creepier than the vibrant shop we had just walked through. Ned led me into the third door to the left into his office. He opened a drawer and pulled out two of those spherical lady chapsticks.

"Ned, that's not what I asked for-" Before I could finish my sentence, he opened one of the little containers to reveal what looked like dried grass. I winked and made finger-guns at him, he returned the gesture and opened the closet on the wall adjacent to me. He rummaged through various pots, bags, knick-knacks, and other miscellaneous things. After a moment of searching he brought out a glass figure shaped slightly like male genitalia.

"Uh. . . I said we weren't doing that, why are you getting out your dil-"

"-THATS NOT WHAT IT IS!" Ned took a moment to compose himself after his outburst. Afterwards, he cleared his throat and continued. "It's like a pipe, ya' know, to smoke it with." He gave it to me, then proceeded to fill his own wooden pipe with the good stuff. Out of his pocket, Ned produced a Bic cigarette lighter with a floral design on it, and lit my pipe.

"Well. . ." I said "See ya' on the other side"

I inhaled the smoke, feeling its warmth on my lungs. Nearly instantly I felt as if I was in the moment, that I was here on Earth and everything made sense. Everything was like a dream, but still felt real. It was enlightening and made me realise that a little family tragedy isn't the end of the world. I took another hit, increasing the effects greatly. Everything at this moment just felt right. Ned looked as if he was full of remorse and regret, which was unbelievable, didn't he see the incredible, vivid, beautiful world I did? I took yet another hit, entrancing myself deeper and deeper into this vision of ecstasy.

It was almost 4:00 by the time I returned to the dull, boring landscape that is reality. Emil was probably home already! What kind of make-shift big brother was I? I paid Ned for the flowers and the green I bought to take home with me and left the shop as soon as I could.

Teardrops fell from the sky, causing the road to become slippery and hard to maneuver. I didn't have time to take safety precautions though, I had to get home to Emil. And my fridge, who knew weed could make a guy so hungry?

My tires quickly dropped into a dip in the road filled with rain. The water splashed up and hit my windshield, hindering my vision. On top of that, I began to hydroplane. I began to pump the brakes as fast as I could, hoping to regain some stability. Luckily, I was able to get my vehicle back on track toward my house. As I continued down the drenched street, my driveway made its way into my line of sight. I pulled in, got out of my car, and got inside as fast as I could.

¨Emil? ´ya home?" No answer. "C'mon, man. . . Come out of 'yer room!" Still no reply. I ran up the stairs, panicking. What if I'd lost him, too? I'd never be able to forgive myself if something happened to the little dork. I continued up the stairs, calling for him, the only response coming back to me was the sound of my voice echoing against the white walls and ceiling.

Reaching the top of our winding staircase, I made a sharp left turn and burst into his room. He isn't there. I began to panic, Lukas trusted me with him while he was with us, and I knew something like death couldn't change his mind about something so important to him.

I raced downstairs to see if he'd magically appear near the fridge as he occasionally does. But what I came down to brought disappointment and anxiety, for Emil was nowhere to be seen.

After about ten minutes, I convinced myself Emil was safe, and he'd be home in a matter of minutes. While I waited for him, I decided that I should pay my respects. Making my way down the hill, I strolled towards the twisted, burnt tree, flowers in hand. I couldn't believe the tree was still growing and thriving after the incident. It continued on with it's life as if nothing ever happened. As I grew closer, I could hear silent sobs from behind the tree. Curious, I rushed to see who or what was making the tragic sound. As I rounded the tree, the person I heard came into my line of sight, the sight made my heart pound, my palms sweaty, and caused me to drop the bouquet on the wet grass. What I saw was Emil on the ground near the base of the tree, sobbing, bleeding from the wrists. I couldn't do anything but back up and go back to the house without him, that was his battle, not mine.

 **~A/N**

 **MAN! That chapter took a while to write! Mostly because I've been super busy with school and work and things! But I hope it was worth the wait for you guys!**

 **Well, as always, thank you for reading this chapter! Jeg elsker deg! 030**

 **XOXO,**

 _ **SimplisticSuNor**_


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